Life's been pretty busy all this while , been working at the It-show past weekend under "HP" selling accessories for desktop. The working experience was great , met some new friends and working time was fun. But hell yeah it was damn tiring , standing whole day long and using your mouth to earn commisions isn't an easy tasks at all. Bought a headset for skyping and a keyboard piano to keep myself occupied during these holidays . Hopefully I be able to play "Fall for you" by secondhand serenade by the end of this holiday. Time is moving fast too , 10 more days my semester results will be revealed via sms hopefully I can see a significant improvement in my cumulative Gpa this semester caused I did work hard but I doubt I will hit my target.. as it seems impossible. But it's ok I still had my mini-getaway to HK to ease my brain off everything bad finally an oversea trip with friends hopefully eveerything will play out to be fine . Diasaters all around the world just made me realised how important it is to cherish the friends around me may God bless everyone on earth and those suffering from the aftermath of the diasaters. I should be out enjoying with Muay thai peeps today but something held me out and I missed out on laser-questing :( Shall explore on my piano today and go out tmr .

Deluding myself seems to be the only option-

Love this ctk-5000 :D

Looks are deceiving , what may look fine on the outside may not be alright in the inside. Be it mentally or physically , I had enough of everything , I am really tired this time round. Everything changes so fast that I am finding hard to adapt to it infact I am trying hard to move out of the circle as I can feel I am no longer able to communicate with everyone. I had enough of all these , my frail personality can't tolerate these hypocrisy anymore. I been pushing myself these days to study harder so I won't have free time to comtemplate about any other stuffs which may affect my mood . However it seems proportional to it , the more I try to push myself the more I comtemplate. I ought to be studying my AEL cause I fucking don't know any shits about it and the paper is scheduled on tmr 9am. I had my math paper today and I don't feel good about it. Infact I don't feel good about anything these days , everything I did just felt sucky. I tried to be who I used to be but to no avail. You used to bright up my days but now I can only see you dampening my mood. The worse part is I can't do anything about it , I have no idea how long this is gonna last but I doubt I can sustain any longer. Perhaps if I remain in my position there wouldn't be any changes , it begins with me and it shall end with me. How contradicting can  I be ?

I want these wings on my back with a verse from the bible inked right in the middle.

Everything played down to nothing. Oh well I am the foolish guy that got caught while playing with fire . Laugh all you want to whoever that reads upon this cause I certainly deserved it . Nothing felt worse then these and at that point of time it just felt like I got smashed on my toes by the largest rock on earth . I tried my very best by returning home and sleeping without even dining hoping everything will be just a dream when I wake up but I woke up only to feel more misery and famished . I ought to be happy since I can do my test yesterday , hell no ? Throughout the 7 hours of revision in school I been thinking about how I should pass her what I wanted to pass her but oh well everything is pointless now . I just received the sucker punch right in my face . How am I supposed to go to school in this state , I really don't wished to face you anymore but is there an option . Everything I did was another mistake , whatever I do just feel shitty , the pain was indescribable .. God please provide me a getaway for I just feel miserable and I am lost this time round .

A jar of cookies without its owner had lost whatever meaning it was meant to have . Everything feels like nothing now .

Chinese New year break is over and schooldays are here ~ How unlucky can I get to contract fever on the eve causing me to miss out so many pineapple tarts and eggrolls. Though I was sick , CNY some of the plans still proceeds as normal. Had steamboat reunion dinner in Terin's home , though everything that went in my mouth taste bland it was a enjoyable night still. Went to 2 of my lecturer homes and I definitely enjoyed my New year despite being sick. What's more I love the Red packets! :) Woo this whole experience of 2011 CNY just made my life wonderful .

There's thermofluid in the noon later , and tonnes and tonnes of revision for this upcoming week . God spare me some time man! I still want to go Bras Basah to gaigai but it seems I might have to shorten the trip cause of Wednesday "AEL" quiz . ARG FML! Right now I am asking my classmate to send me songs in the middle of the night since I can't put my mind to sleep..

What's gonna happen in the next moment ? Everything in my life is unpredictable -

I chanced upon the next card and I know I am bound to lose if I pick it , even if I dun pick it I will still lose .

Oh my my my my ! After so much thinking in the evening just now , I realised I had lost myself within this short period of time . I used to be brimming with confidence in whatever I do and you can't find a better person in being optimistic than me.All those laughters and noises I brought wherever I go.Where Has All That Gone To ? Right now I am nothing but just a pale & forlorn shadow of my past . There's no drive , no will in whatever I do. How to achieve things if these carrys on ..? Even during class I may be listening to lesson and writing notes but somehow I am just blindly copying stuffs yet I don't even understand a single shit of it . There must be a stop to all this negative thinkings!

Hence, I must believe in myself I can do it and start making some alterations to get my lost self back. I understand there will some unsolved questions left still , I trust that given more time I shall be able to provide an answer for it. No more hide and seek , some stuffs must be sorted out to avoid anymore misunderstanding. If there's something I would like to do probably I would really go for it since it doesn't harm to give it a try . No pain No gain -                                                           As for "you" - will I start to communicate with you again? I really don't know but all I know is nothing changes from the past and everythings gonna be the same like before cause when I believe I will suceed :)  - everything else I shall left it to fate since I have change my concept and already had plans in mine mind on what I wanna do . Gambateh! to myself .. Alright I shall hit the sack .

3 days ... I yearn for the tap from the back out of nowhere again .

The day was almost perfect just that I was constantly reminded about you as my day proceeds . Met Terry and Jolyn in Malaysia customs , he is damn blur totally no sense of direction haha . Took a cab down to Jusco . Started browsing around , it was weird to be shopping with a couple but well the experience was fun cause we know each other too well . Since I am growing older I must shake off the small boy look which I had therefore I bought myself 4 shirts and a tee to look more matured. I bought all my stuffs from PADINI as the shirts there fits me well when I try it and it's pretty cheap as compared to Sg . Saw some pretty interesting shop around there and most probably I be going there often in the future :) Had our dinner at the roadstalls near the customs and I send them home after that.

It's the start of a new week , hopefully nothing goes wrong . I'll be expecting tonnes of stuffs to do this week and I still have some unfinished CNY shopping to do , need to buy another pair of shoe and a pair of shorts . I can't hide my feeling for you anymore but not being able to do anything about it just make my life worsen. Someone tell me what should I do to make things better . . .

Would you believe if i said I was sorry ? - The question wasn't meant to hurt , it was just my fear of losing you .

The smile was not complete without you .

Having insomia! Meeting Terry and Jolyn in the noon to shop in Msia yet I have troubles sleeping here , I am losing my sleeping time while typing here . Hopefully there will be apparels and stuffs which I can fit well in & not that pricey! My Saturday wasn't even spend , it was waste away . Facing my computer and the television for almost half of the day , this tells you how geek I am ..  Well I am just helpless when it comes to solving my problems and  most often I choose the relief road of running away . There's a story of this 2 highschool friends, initially they seldom have words for each other , as time goes by they started chatting with each other and not long after they build up a ordinary friendship like everyone else , their friendship grew close as days passed . They spend lots of time in school doing work studying together . They finished their examinations as winter break approached they didnt contact each other till one day the male contacted the female and ask her out . The outting was successful and both of them wearing a happy smile when they each other for home , the male realised something later on the night , he was happy when they were together and he started to miss the female as day passed till then he realised he had fallen in love with the female friend of his . Unsure whether to confess to her , he decided to keep it to himself and observe everything till it was certain. Break's over they returned back to school, they got even closer & the male assured his mind that he had fallen for her , he wanted to tell her but something in his mind hold him back ; it was the fear of losing her forever. Hoping she would realised the male decided to wait , time passed the wait never arrives. He decided to change for the better unlike the past inorder to be with his friend , he managed to shake most of his bad habits away but no one realised . Hopes were leaving his heart and some minor problems happened between them , he convinced himself that all of those feelings were just one-sided & his friend never liked him one single bit . He was devastated and try to get over her during a short break, thats where he found out she had already conquered his heart & moving her out was not possible , he felt miserable as it goes on . Retutning back to sch after the break he tried to harden his heart and ignore her but upon her asking his heart melt immediately . Their friendship gets better after some hiccups and the guy begin too build up hopes again however not long after another problem surfaced between them as the bond they had gather too much attention so the guy decided its best to keep a distance from her . He find it so hard to keep everything in his heart and decided to find someone to share his woe and advice him , he found it within a short while and try to heed his friend advice . Heeding the advice , it kindda gets better for them . However their peers didn't spare a thought for him decides to take things onto their own hand and make a mess out for him though they don't mean it . The guy feel awful and spend every night brooding about it and came to no conclusion .. time is running out and he is on the verge of salvaging the problem .  - Thats half of the piece of the story and I only possessed this part of it . Shall update the next part if I got it . My brain is finally weary and I shall hit the sack and wake up to a better tmr D:

Between you & I , no one will ever come through us .

Back to blogging after a week seem so great! Life's starting to turn bright again at the start of the week but it kinnda turn dimmer as the week comes to an end , during the course of these few days my heart finally decided to find someone whom I can confide and seek help from , I spilled every single beans my heart contains but nevertheless it was worth it . Thanks for helping to take some loads off my mind . You know who you are if you ever came across here . Thank you. Troubles gone ? I doubt so ... even after loosing some problems off my mind I still have to deal with an ongoing problem which I have no idea how to solved . I am seriously at my wits end . If only I could punch down this wall of barrier thats refraining us from communicating properly . I so badly need a time machine to return back to December . As the time runs down , things go accordingly and smoothly as how mine mind want it to be but troubles never fail to find me and there I can see your awkward expression and I saw a helpless me in the reflection of your eyes . Pretending to play along is the miserable part as it's the heart that teared and not the eye . I really wished to spend a day with you 23 days after , but I guessed its just my wishful thinking . Knowing so much of what I ain't suppose to be knowing just make my mind brood more about it . I know I be okay even though my sky is turning  grey  , it has taken a toll on me , I need a short getaway from town!

Happy 18th Birthday JunPing :)

No one will ever notice the invisible tears rolling down ..

Wishing for something that really isn't going to happen is equivalent to waiting for the bus that just left to turn and pick you . Would the situation change if I piece my thoughts and show it to you . Perhaps ? Maybe ? Probably ? I dunno . There's a need to get these all off my chest and declare what I really feel about you .

Time flies in the blink of an eye , another week has gone ! Chinese new year is approaching in two week times ; the family gathering event I dreaded the most (minus the red packet part & good food) tonnes of question would be posed to me regarding my life and studies ... Still had some CNY shopping left to do , I need a few more shirts and clothes and another pair of shoes will do :) . Studying was great this week , learn chapter 5 of EG2 with some help of my helpful classmates and score 98 & 95 respectively for quiz 1 & 2 of engineering materials . Feel happy for myself too :D Coming up next week there be another EG2 quiz & IS writing , hopefully I do well . Been procrastinating , had not really start my revisions for my Final Year Exams , time is running out badly!

I want to share my life with you & inked your name on my heart .

Of course I didn't succeed , here I am back to the starting point with everything changed . Maybe there's just something wrong with me , I felt sad at this random timing ; it's just me.. If a picture meant a thousand words I will need more then 10 pictures for you . There's just so much stuffs I want to let it all out , so many things I want to share with you . I am just standing on thin ice , a heavy step will result in me vanishing . I always asked myself " Why do I think so much ? Why can't I let things proceed on their own ways ? " WHHHHHYY?? D: Everyone must be thinking I am such a loser writing rubbish here late in the night . But who cares if I stuffed everything shit in my fragile heart its gonna break soon. This is a place for me to whine . Really loved what my friend said in training today " I can't control myself falling for you , it's due to gravity " K nuff said I shall update about my life .

Start of a new Monday , there's so much to do in the space of a month how am I gonna cope . Projects , Assignments , Tests & Tests coming up right after each other in the schedule. I am supposed to be happy since last week was a happy one but I just can't feel that way ..  Anyway there's a mail for immersion program to " Chengdu " I been talking about the next immersion program and here it come knocking on my door , I really would like to visit that area and do experienced the difference . But from the feedback from my better mates in class , I doubt they be able to go with me . Should I go even if I am alone ? I have so much in mine mind .. as we grow older we get more troubles . I am always whining here :)

How foolish am I , when I can't even solve my own problems I am thinking of other's problem . Wake up Denny .